_ To laugh is to risk appearing a fool,
To weep is to risk appearing sentimental.
To reach out to another is to risk involvement,
To expose feelings is to risk exposing your true self.
To place your ideas and dreams before a crowd is to risk their loss.
To love is to risk not being loved in return,
To live is to risk dying,
To hope is to risk despair,
To try is to risk failure.

But risks must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing.
The person who risks nothing, does nothing, has nothing, is nothing.

He may avoid suffering and sorrow,
But he cannot learn, feel, change, grow or live.
Chained by his servitude he is a slave who has forfeited all freedom.
Only a person who risks is free.
The pessimist complains about the wind;
The optimist expects it to change;
And the realist adjusts the sails.

It was the Golden Globes awards ceremony last night and, if you hadn't heard, one of the bigger winners, as expected, was The Artist.

I haven't seen it yet, Dunoon being blessed with an improved but not yet multiplex cinema, but am keen to. It doen't fit my normal viewing genres but it must be a good film and therefore worth a look.
As I considered it though, a few questions came to mind that apply to us and our lives. The Artist  seems to be good because it's different - black and white films are not in abundance at the moment and silent films are even less common. Maybe though its good and its different - I won't know until I've seen it. The question is, did it win the awards because its different and has it been made it different deliberately to win an award. Reading about the director, I suspect he set out to make a different film because that's what he enjoys - the fact that it is successful is probably a nice bonus though.
What about us - do we deliberately do things in order to win awards, the acclaim of the crowds or the commendation of our boss? Alternatively, are we working to produce our best because it brings us satisfaction - if we get a pat on the back then its a nice extra? How often do we focus on the praise that we'll get from someone else? A frequently asked question of mine is, 'How do you know you have been successful?' - we need to be able to determine it for ourselves rather than waiting for an external person or body giving us the big thumbs up.
And what about being different - so much of society now is very monochrome, with everyone looking like everyone else and if they don't, then simply trying harder to. People want to fit in and think that the way forward is to be identical. As I write this I think of the magazines where they show you what the stars wear and then give you the cheap alternatives so you can almost exactly copy them. Great, if I want to follow, but what if I want to stand out, be different, lead the way?
It seems the truly successful people in this life are those with the courage to go their own way, no matter where other people are going and to be content with that path, whether it wins plaudits or not. Doing what you want to do, as well as you can, brings its own rewards.

_The signals along the track turn to red and the trains stop. When the road vehicles slow to a stop, their brake lights glow. Milimetrically small advertising hoardings having changing electronic pictures on them, fans in the Hamburg football stadium have flags that tey wave periodically. On top of al that there are the mini-scenes within the different worlds; the frogmen diving a river to find the corpse; Pippi Longstocking lifting a horse in a village; gnomes working in a mountain cave; a couple making love in the middle of a field of sunflowers.
Watching some of the workers bent over their desks painting the tiny figures, you wonder what drives them. They are investing time to provide details that most of the visitors might never spot. Presumably they enjoy what they do - given some of their unergonomic desk positions, I hope they aren't being forced to work their. I'm guessing they even love what they do and get a kick out of including the little details into their worlds. Maybe people spotting the scuba-diving cows makes the workers smile as well. Yes, you could argue that they must simply be detail-focussed people and I would agree in part - they could never cope with the job otherwise. However, the level of intricacy goes beyond mere attention, moving into a passionate love of detail.
Which bits of your job do you love doing? What is there in your normal day or week or month that gets you interested more than the rest of the drudgery? Yes, the MW people need to make sure that the trains all run to the schedule and don't crash, that lights come on when 'night time' happens so that the basics of the wonderland work. They could stop there, but actually its all the exciting little extras that make the place so fascinating for everyone from 3 to 83, judging by the rapt attention of the visitors I saw.
Lots has been written about finding meaning in our work and maybe at the start of the year we need to re-examine what we do. Can we find an analogy to painting today's person faster than yesterday's, making it a neater job, with more colourful clothes? Maybe there are little scenarios we can include that make people smile or big thigs we can create that make people gasp. How can we relate differently to our boss, our colleagues or our visitors in order to make them feel better or for us to enjoy our days more? Its true what people say that the more you put in the more you get out; it might mean we have to give a little extra but isn't that worth it? Iif we enjoy our work more, how much more will that contribute to our happiness and mental well-being?

I was having dinner with some friends the other night and it being Christmas, we had crackers. Someone at the table found a short measuring tape inside theirs and amidst the ongoing cracks (and non-crackery pffts of the failures), it had to be played with, particularly due to its shortness. Would it go round their waists, the ladies wondered, as in fact did some of the men.

At only 25 inches long, I wasn't entirely surprised when it barely reached round both sides of my torso! For me it was better emplyed for examining neck, biceps and such like, but it did provoke a discussion about what was important. In the midst of this we started to wonder about the value of a stretchy measuring tape. If we want to be a 25 inch waist, how brilliant would it be if we had a device that would unfailingly peg us to that standard, particularly in the post-Christmas expansion phase that we are about to embark on. One of my friends posted a status that said, "stomach now waiting to be filled repeatedly to well past its normal 'full' limit over the next few days" and I'm sure he's not alone in thinking like that. I very much doubt though that he will be joining the ranks of those concerned about the consequences.

I started to wonder how often we try to fool ourselves into thinking we have met the standard by simply changing the measurement to match where we have got to - stretching the tape to fit round us no matter how many mince pies it needs to girdle.

Whilst it would be great to know we will meet our targets, if we can only do it by cheating then it devalues our efforts entirely. A stretchy measuring tape might sell well to the self-deluded of our nation but I would far rather help folks to really get where they want to be.

So I trust that as you sit down over the Christmas period and recognise your achievements for the past year, both large and small, that you will do so with an air of celebration for something measurable and that you will set realistic goals for 2012. Enjoy what time you have to pause and reflect and I wish you all a very happy Christmas!

After a less successful afternoon on Monday I now appear to have finally finished my Christmas shopping. Big sigh of relief. I wrote recently about Happiness coming at Christmas, or not, (click here to read it if you've not already) and now I'm starting to feel it myself.
Now, I don't want to imply that shopping for my family and friends is something I don't want to do. On the contrary, I love giving presents and buying them is part of that enjoyment. But because I want to give the perfect gift, I become frustrated since it is never available to buy. And I'll then go from shop to shop to weigh up the available options to find the best of what is out there.
Anyway, I can relax now and wrap them, which I enjoy, and then see the smiles on people's faces as they open them (hopefully) - the hard bit is done and I can get happiness from the rest of the process.
Christmas is definitely a stressful time, more so for some than for others but hopefully there's some enjoyment, rest, relaxation and happiness to be wrung from the next week or more, as the Christian world celebrates. I wonder where will you look to find it.

I had a night in with time to kill on Friday and so rented Limitless from the video shop. Okay film but a great premise based on the idea that you only currently use 20% of the full capacity of your brain. However, by taking a small clear pill, you can suddenly  make use of all of the power in your head. The 'hero' than starts making money (lots of it in fact) from his ability to process vast amounts of information very, very quickly, certainly faster than his peers. He did deliberate for a while about taking the drug but once he had experienced the phenomenal achievements that were possible just once he was completely hooked. It left me with question:
If you could use all of your brain's capacity, what would you do differently? What sort of things would you start to do that you have never tried before (or maybe attempted but you couldn't adequately get your head round things)? Alternatively, what things would you want to be able to do even faster or more efficiently than currently?
I feel its one of those questions that gets you thinking about what you really want from life, along the lines of, 'If you won the lottery...' yet this one is different. Winning the lottery relies very heavily on luck. That and buying a ticket of course. Having an extra hour in a day relies on bending some serious physical laws of the universe. Miracles taking place might be similarly unbelievable for you.
Using more of your brain though...? Yes, I suspect that we will never fully harness its complete power but could we get more from it? If you watch the power of the subconscious that Derren Brown can put to use, in himself and in others, you realy have to say yes! But even without that, most of us are aware that we could be better in some way that we use our heads.
Maybe its as simple as focussing our brain power on one specific area that we feel is important or interesting to get more from - a simple time management issue. Or thinking more creatively about a current issue. Whatever we think we would like more brain capacity to deal with, we probably already have the untapped potential which suggests something else is stopping us instead. So then the question becomes, 'what is stopping you from achieving what you want to do?'

I've just read Jana Kemp's book, No! How One Simple Word Can Transform Your Life, and thought it might be helpful to mention since a number of people I have talked to recently have mentioned an inability to say No! or even just no.
First of all, its useful to remember that saying no to someone does not need to be you rejecting the person, being deliberately difficult or obstructive or trying to damage what the requester represents, be it a job, charity or friendship situation. Life can carry on after you have said no and people will not hate you for the saying if you do it politely, deliberately and firmly.
However if you say yes and don't mean it, that can ultimately get you into more bother when you don't follow through or your yes turns out to have been maybe at best and you start to lose repsect. Unless of course you manage to achieve everything you promised in a fit of superhuman power. And then collapse and pay the price yourself.
Throughout the book, Kemp talks about the Power of No, and she takes Power to stand for:
Purpose - what actually needs to be done here?
Options and resources - even if say no can I offer anything in return or make other suggestions
When - what is the actual deadline and if I say no now can I propose yes for a different deadline
Emotional Ties - how do you feel with yes or no and other feelings related to the request
Rights and Reponsibilities - what are your rights if you say yes or noe.g. rights to call on others to help, recquisition resources for the project
They are certainly topics worth considering before you unthinkingly say yes again but once you have done that you'll need to be assertive in the way you put across any no answer. Be clear, polite and if possible friendly and stick to your guns. If necessary repeat your bottom line until they get it.
The book goes on to look at the idea of self-defence; sometimes you need to say no to defend yourself, your time, health and position. There is also discussion on the ethics of saying yes or no, especially when you don't actually mean it.
I can imagine if you are really struggling to say no a lot of the time and it causes you stress that there are definitely helpful ideas in this book; you probably want to pick and choose which bits you read though.
At the end of the day I suspect, like all self-help type books, it might only take you so far and having someone external (partner, family member, friend or a coach) dedicated to helping you will reap far greater rewards. Get in touch if you want to know how a coach could help you in your particular situation.

Looking back at the World Cup that finished last week...

Stephen Donald has just lived out his fantasy, and if not his own then certainly that of  thousands of rugby-loving folk. If you missed it, he was the Kiwis fourth-choice stand-off at the start of the tournament and not even worthy of a place at pre-tournament training. On Sunday 23rd October, following injuries to all the three guys ranked ahead of him, he came on for his first World Cup match and scored the points that won the trophy for the All Blacks; not what he envisaged when he was fishing for whitebait on the Waikato River a fortnight ago, ignoring calls from the team management!

Maybe your own fantasies could come true as well. What would be your ultimate miracle come true? What are the chances that it comes to pass? Even Stephen Donald would probably have said 'nil' and laughed at you a month ago. Lets have a look at a few lessons from the World Cup and see what you could be doing differently.

First of all, is it physically possible, and if it's not is there some chance that it becomes feasible one day in your future? Technology moves so fast these days that our children will be able to do things we can't even dream of; its too far-fetched.

Then you need to recognise what it is that you want and make a decision; a decision to follow your dream and turn it into reality. If you never turn in the right direction to focus on your dream, it simply won't happen. Stephen Donald didn't end up at Eden Park by chance - he'd made a decision to devote his life to playing and training for rugby games.

Finally you need to ask if it is within your control or are you trusting to luck (although hopefully not injuries to others)? If your dreams aren't reliant on other people or particular circumstances then go for it and chase them down.

Yes, unforeseen events may get in our way or we might get it a bit wrong and not achieve our ultimate dream. However, people are right when they say, "If you aim for the stars you'll probably get to the moon at least".

What's the first smallest step you could be taking towards fulfilling a long-held fantasy?

Have you ever made a hard decision to do something, only for the opportunity to be wrested away from you by incidents or accidents outwith your control? It happened to me this week and it made me realise that how we respond to happenings like this is important to how well we get on in life.

Winter is coming and for me, as an Outdoor Life Coach working in Scotland, that means a few more days choosing to work inside and fewer out in the cold and wet. It is also a time when I re-examine my fitness levels and see what work needs to be done there. Consequently, early on Monday morning I was down at the Riverside to get some much-needed exercise. It was not an easy decision to make because I knew that after months of unhealthy-eating and exercise avoidance, the first few sessions would be hard. It wasn't even an easy first step to make; 6:30am is looking dark and cold these days and my bed is definitely comfy. Despite the odds though, I made it to the gym.

Some of you will know what's coming and others can guess; the gym was closed due to a lack of water. I was a little deflated and gently frustrated.

I had a choice in my reaction. It would have been easy to say 'its not to be', taken a fatalistic attitude, never visiting the gym again! It sounds daft in this instance but its incredible how often people allow themselves to be deflected when the first obstacle appears. How easily dreams can slip away into the dark of the morning and be lost forever.

Despite the prospect of early pain, I was still determined and my reaction instead was to turn up on Wednesday morning with renewed determination. I have built a motivating picture of being better and fitter and that enticed me onwards, making me want to try again.

It seems our society is becoming increasingly less resilient - when the chips are down it just seems easier to give in and walk away than it is to persevere and win the prize that we have set our hearts on. As prelims approach at the Grammar and studying has to be done, its easy to cast aside dreams of a good future for an easy now. Likewise as adults we can see the effort that it takes today and decide that its too much. Alternatively, we can look further ahead, to the dream we have always wanted to realise and stick with our decision to go for it. This summer I have heard many people say, "Oh, just man up" and I suspect we need to take their advice to get back on track and achieve our success.