Square Pegs Coaching - Nick's Blog

Ash Wednesday

Wed, 22 Feb 2012 12:59:56 +0000

My latest newsletter was about dealing with people you find hard, because you don't like or respect them. (If you haven't subscribed yet then click here to read it). One of the things I talked about was not bitching about them behind their back. Today, amidst all the talk of giving up things for Lent to make yourself a better person, I suddenly thought, "why don't we ever use this time for personal development, for changing our attitudes for the better". We only tend to talk about fasting and missing out food like chocolate but increasingly people are looking at a broader understanding of giving up things. Granted, the idea of giving something up is as a sacrifice, to prepare us for Easter and to mirror Jesus fasting in the desert so maybe developing ourselves by giving something up might not fit for some of you.

If you have no other plans for Lent though, consider sacrificing one of the habits that you are least proud of. Maybe it will be something related to how you deal with your colleagues and co-workers. What could you do differently that will make you easier to work with? How could you stop being annopying in return, to the person who constantly winds you up? What poor reactions do you want to stamp out when someone frustrates you at work?

Whilst this might be harder than giving up chocolate and may not have such a visible effect, it could be the start of new ways of behaving that ultimately make you a more attractive person to deal with. If you need help working out how to manage the change or make it stick then get in touch for a free chat

Poke the Box

Thu, 02 Feb 2012 18:35:33 +0000

I've had to find a new video editor after my previous online site shut down. So to celebrate I went out biking, strapped my camera to the handle bars (who needs a headcam?) and made a short video. Watch the Youtube version here:

Wilderness Retreats

Mon, 30 Jan 2012 18:57:05 +0000

So you want to start something, poke the box, step out in faith to do something risky? Great! When are you going to do it? Oh you haven't decided that bit yet, its just an idea you want to get going on sometime soon?

Does this sound like a familiar conversation from your head or with people around you? I suspect that we are all guitly of procrastinating, especially when time is precious and initiatives are risky.

You really need to put some dates in your diary though, for time that you will spend doing these things that you want to start. Stop reading and go fetch it, or your calendar or whatever planning device you use and mark in it the day or hour when you plan to start.

...

...

Right, now that you have done that, here is another new idea for you, with dates already associated with it. When was the last time you stepped aside to consider your spiritual position, to reflect on your higher purpose and to strengthen that aspect of your existence? Maybe you go to prayers regularly or have a planned time of meditation or similar. Many of you probably don't though, but might have considered doing something. But what is 'something'?

I am part of a group who runs wilderness retreats for people just like you, who want to take some time aside and consider life in all its fullness. These wilderness retreats will take you to an island and give you time to reflect but also guide you in some activities that assist you in that process. Generated from a Christian perspective they are designed to be inclusive and give you space for your own expression and thoughts in an inspiring and wild setting.

To know more, read the flyer below and then contact us for any further discussion of how it works.

wilderness_retreat_flyer.pdf
File Size:	1215 kb
File Type:	pdf

Download File

Small Steps by Louis Sachar

Fri, 27 Jan 2012 11:45:42 +0000

Last weekend the Kindle recommended book was called Small Steps, about a guy just out of prison who was trying to turn his life around. I was intrigued and, despite it being a children's book, purchased and read it that day.

It wasn't complex writing, but it was a good example of how effective small steps can be. Theodore, the hero, set himself little achievable targets that he was passionate about. Five small steps, which were: graduate from high school, get a job, save his money, avoid violent situations and lose his nickname. When other, ostensibly wealth-generating, opportunities presented themselves, he weighed them up against his steps and if they didn't fit he tried to avoid getting sucked into them. As the weeks developed, things didn't always turn out as he expected but he tried to doggedly stick to his regimen of small steps. The book ends with him having achieved most of his steps and he sets a whole new set of steps to take him forward. These build on the first five, setting his sights on college and then the University of Texas.

If only life were that simple I hear you cry. Yes, this was children's fiction and might not have reflected the real world, but I think there is a lesson in there for us all. Small steps are useful. Small steps, that might seem achievable from the outset, that take us towards our goals. They might be risky still, a starting of something new, but because they are smaller they appear less hazardous.

And then when they are complete and congratulations are over, set some more steps to take you even further. A good plan. A simple plan. A plan you can remember and so stick to. Try it and see.

"To Risk" by William Arthur Ward

Tue, 17 Jan 2012 10:48:13 +0000

To laugh is to risk appearing a fool,
To weep is to risk appearing sentimental.
To reach out to another is to risk involvement,
To expose feelings is to risk exposing your true self.
To place your ideas and dreams before a crowd is to risk their loss.
To love is to risk not being loved in return,
To live is to risk dying,
To hope is to risk despair,
To try is to risk failure.

But risks must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing.
The person who risks nothing, does nothing, has nothing, is nothing.

He may avoid suffering and sorrow,
But he cannot learn, feel, change, grow or live.
Chained by his servitude he is a slave who has forfeited all freedom.
Only a person who risks is free.
The pessimist complains about the wind;
The optimist expects it to change;
And the realist adjusts the sails.

Golden Globes

Mon, 16 Jan 2012 08:36:55 +0000

It was the Golden Globes awards ceremony last night and, if you hadn't heard, one of the bigger winners, as expected, was The Artist.

I haven't seen it yet, Dunoon being blessed with an improved but not yet multiplex cinema, but am keen to. It doen't fit my normal viewing genres but it must be a good film and therefore worth a look.
As I considered it though, a few questions came to mind that apply to us and our lives. The Artist seems to be good because it's different - black and white films are not in abundance at the moment and silent films are even less common. Maybe though its good and its different - I won't know until I've seen it. The question is, did it win the awards because its different and has it been made it different deliberately to win an award. Reading about the director, I suspect he set out to make a different film because that's what he enjoys - the fact that it is successful is probably a nice bonus though.
What about us - do we deliberately do things in order to win awards, the acclaim of the crowds or the commendation of our boss? Alternatively, are we working to produce our best because it brings us satisfaction - if we get a pat on the back then its a nice extra? How often do we focus on the praise that we'll get from someone else? A frequently asked question of mine is, 'How do you know you have been successful?' - we need to be able to determine it for ourselves rather than waiting for an external person or body giving us the big thumbs up.
And what about being different - so much of society now is very monochrome, with everyone looking like everyone else and if they don't, then simply trying harder to. People want to fit in and think that the way forward is to be identical. As I write this I think of the magazines where they show you what the stars wear and then give you the cheap alternatives so you can almost exactly copy them. Great, if I want to follow, but what if I want to stand out, be different, lead the way?
It seems the truly successful people in this life are those with the courage to go their own way, no matter where other people are going and to be content with that path, whether it wins plaudits or not. Doing what you want to do, as well as you can, brings its own rewards.

Miniature Wonderland

Tue, 10 Jan 2012 11:14:00 +0000

Over the New Year holiday I visited the Miniatur Wunderland in Hamburg and saw people who must really love their work. . Apart from being amazed at the number of small children that could be crammed into one small warehouse, I was primarily impressed with the details. It wasn't simply the scale of the project that was impressive but the attention people had paid to all the small things.

The signals along the track turn to red and the trains stop. When the road vehicles slow to a stop, their brake lights glow. Milimetrically small advertising hoardings having changing electronic pictures on them, fans in the Hamburg football stadium have flags that tey wave periodically. On top of al that there are the mini-scenes within the different worlds; the frogmen diving a river to find the corpse; Pippi Longstocking lifting a horse in a village; gnomes working in a mountain cave; a couple making love in the middle of a field of sunflowers.
Watching some of the workers bent over their desks painting the tiny figures, you wonder what drives them. They are investing time to provide details that most of the visitors might never spot. Presumably they enjoy what they do - given some of their unergonomic desk positions, I hope they aren't being forced to work their. I'm guessing they even love what they do and get a kick out of including the little details into their worlds. Maybe people spotting the scuba-diving cows makes the workers smile as well. Yes, you could argue that they must simply be detail-focussed people and I would agree in part - they could never cope with the job otherwise. However, the level of intricacy goes beyond mere attention, moving into a passionate love of detail.
Which bits of your job do you love doing? What is there in your normal day or week or month that gets you interested more than the rest of the drudgery? Yes, the MW people need to make sure that the trains all run to the schedule and don't crash, that lights come on when 'night time' happens so that the basics of the wonderland work. They could stop there, but actually its all the exciting little extras that make the place so fascinating for everyone from 3 to 83, judging by the rapt attention of the visitors I saw.
Lots has been written about finding meaning in our work and maybe at the start of the year we need to re-examine what we do. Can we find an analogy to painting today's person faster than yesterday's, making it a neater job, with more colourful clothes? Maybe there are little scenarios we can include that make people smile or big thigs we can create that make people gasp. How can we relate differently to our boss, our colleagues or our visitors in order to make them feel better or for us to enjoy our days more? Its true what people say that the more you put in the more you get out; it might mean we have to give a little extra but isn't that worth it? Iif we enjoy our work more, how much more will that contribute to our happiness and mental well-being?

Crackers!

Sat, 24 Dec 2011 08:00:07 +0000

I was having dinner with some friends the other night and it being Christmas, we had crackers. Someone at the table found a short measuring tape inside theirs and amidst the ongoing cracks (and non-crackery pffts of the failures), it had to be played with, particularly due to its shortness. Would it go round their waists, the ladies wondered, as in fact did some of the men.

At only 25 inches long, I wasn't entirely surprised when it barely reached round both sides of my torso! For me it was better emplyed for examining neck, biceps and such like, but it did provoke a discussion about what was important. In the midst of this we started to wonder about the value of a stretchy measuring tape. If we want to be a 25 inch waist, how brilliant would it be if we had a device that would unfailingly peg us to that standard, particularly in the post-Christmas expansion phase that we are about to embark on. One of my friends posted a status that said, "stomach now waiting to be filled repeatedly to well past its normal 'full' limit over the next few days" and I'm sure he's not alone in thinking like that. I very much doubt though that he will be joining the ranks of those concerned about the consequences.

I started to wonder how often we try to fool ourselves into thinking we have met the standard by simply changing the measurement to match where we have got to - stretching the tape to fit round us no matter how many mince pies it needs to girdle.

Whilst it would be great to know we will meet our targets, if we can only do it by cheating then it devalues our efforts entirely. A stretchy measuring tape might sell well to the self-deluded of our nation but I would far rather help folks to really get where they want to be.

So I trust that as you sit down over the Christmas period and recognise your achievements for the past year, both large and small, that you will do so with an air of celebration for something measurable and that you will set realistic goals for 2012. Enjoy what time you have to pause and reflect and I wish you all a very happy Christmas!

Finally...

Wed, 21 Dec 2011 08:00:16 +0000

After a less successful afternoon on Monday I now appear to have finally finished my Christmas shopping. Big sigh of relief. I wrote recently about Happiness coming at Christmas, or not, (click here to read it if you've not already) and now I'm starting to feel it myself.
Now, I don't want to imply that shopping for my family and friends is something I don't want to do. On the contrary, I love giving presents and buying them is part of that enjoyment. But because I want to give the perfect gift, I become frustrated since it is never available to buy. And I'll then go from shop to shop to weigh up the available options to find the best of what is out there.
Anyway, I can relax now and wrap them, which I enjoy, and then see the smiles on people's faces as they open them (hopefully) - the hard bit is done and I can get happiness from the rest of the process.
Christmas is definitely a stressful time, more so for some than for others but hopefully there's some enjoyment, rest, relaxation and happiness to be wrung from the next week or more, as the Christian world celebrates. I wonder where will you look to find it.

Limitless - what would you do?

Tue, 08 Nov 2011 12:15:05 +0000

I had a night in with time to kill on Friday and so rented Limitless from the video shop. Okay film but a great premise based on the idea that you only currently use 20% of the full capacity of your brain. However, by taking a small clear pill, you can suddenly make use of all of the power in your head. The 'hero' than starts making money (lots of it in fact) from his ability to process vast amounts of information very, very quickly, certainly faster than his peers. He did deliberate for a while about taking the drug but once he had experienced the phenomenal achievements that were possible just once he was completely hooked. It left me with question:
If you could use all of your brain's capacity, what would you do differently? What sort of things would you start to do that you have never tried before (or maybe attempted but you couldn't adequately get your head round things)? Alternatively, what things would you want to be able to do even faster or more efficiently than currently?
I feel its one of those questions that gets you thinking about what you really want from life, along the lines of, 'If you won the lottery...' yet this one is different. Winning the lottery relies very heavily on luck. That and buying a ticket of course. Having an extra hour in a day relies on bending some serious physical laws of the universe. Miracles taking place might be similarly unbelievable for you.
Using more of your brain though...? Yes, I suspect that we will never fully harness its complete power but could we get more from it? If you watch the power of the subconscious that Derren Brown can put to use, in himself and in others, you realy have to say yes! But even without that, most of us are aware that we could be better in some way that we use our heads.
Maybe its as simple as focussing our brain power on one specific area that we feel is important or interesting to get more from - a simple time management issue. Or thinking more creatively about a current issue. Whatever we think we would like more brain capacity to deal with, we probably already have the untapped potential which suggests something else is stopping us instead. So then the question becomes, 'what is stopping you from achieving what you want to do?'