Could you work with Vladimir Putin? Reports this morning say he has announced that he has won the election and is back in power but there are questions around the legality of the elections.

Do you have people that announce things that benefit themselves, without consideration of any consequence for others? Are there people in your work place who take things that may or not be theirs to take? How do you react and how do you let it affect you?

Some of us get angry and annoyed. It's easy to do. It feels justified - the other person was obviously wrong and the more we tell ourselves that, the more convinced we become. Before you go too far down that route though, stop and check. It could be they are entitled to make the announcement and that it is not their responsibility to check how you will feel first. Deal with it - in this case you are the one causing yourself the problems by choosing to feel aggrieved or annoyed. You also have the choice not to feel that way but . accept the situation and move on instead. Likewise, if they have taken something, it could be that actually it does by rights belong to them. Again, deal with it.

If however they have taken something that you believe they have no right to, then something maybe needs to be done. First, check whether your perception is indeed the correct one. It could be they have simply borrowed it and neglected to ask first. Alternatively the question of ownership may not have crossed their mind since they assumed it to be company property available to anyone. Before you shoot your mouth off, making life more difficult for you and others, get the facts and try to understand other people's viewpoints. If it is just that you got the wrong end of the stick then the situation can be dealt with quite easily - you accept that you are the difficult person to work with and, assuming that's not what you want, you can make some changes.

On the occasion that you are right, you may need to actually involve other people if the individual has contravened one of the written or assumed company policies. In that case, clear up the matter as quickly and tidily as you can, retrieve the article and then forgive them. Move on. Metaphorically or possibly to a new job if you've just blown the whistle on a senior manager.

Alternatively, hold a grudge against that person for ages into the future, adding it to the other misdemeanours that stick to your jaundiced and stereotypical view of them thereby making it even harder to work alongside them in the future. Your call.

My latest newsletter was about dealing with people you find hard, because you don't like or respect them. (If you haven't subscribed yet then click here to read it). One of the things I talked about was not bitching about them behind their back. Today, amidst all the talk of giving up things for Lent to make yourself a better person, I suddenly thought, "why don't we ever use this time for personal development, for changing our attitudes for the better". We only tend to talk about fasting and missing out food like chocolate but increasingly people are looking at a broader understanding of giving up things. Granted, the idea of giving something up is as a sacrifice, to prepare us for Easter and to mirror Jesus fasting in the desert so maybe developing ourselves by giving something up might not fit for some of you.

If you have no other plans for Lent though, consider sacrificing one of the habits that you are least proud of. Maybe it will be something related to how you deal with your colleagues and co-workers. What could you do differently that will make you easier to work with? How could you stop being annopying in return, to the person who constantly winds you up? What poor reactions do you want to stamp out when someone frustrates you at work?

Whilst this might be harder than giving up chocolate and may not have such a visible effect, it could be the start of new ways of behaving that ultimately make you a more attractive person to deal with. If you need help working out how to manage the change or make it stick then get in touch for a free chat

_ To laugh is to risk appearing a fool,
To weep is to risk appearing sentimental.
To reach out to another is to risk involvement,
To expose feelings is to risk exposing your true self.
To place your ideas and dreams before a crowd is to risk their loss.
To love is to risk not being loved in return,
To live is to risk dying,
To hope is to risk despair,
To try is to risk failure.

But risks must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing.
The person who risks nothing, does nothing, has nothing, is nothing.

He may avoid suffering and sorrow,
But he cannot learn, feel, change, grow or live.
Chained by his servitude he is a slave who has forfeited all freedom.
Only a person who risks is free.
The pessimist complains about the wind;
The optimist expects it to change;
And the realist adjusts the sails.

I've just read Jana Kemp's book, No! How One Simple Word Can Transform Your Life, and thought it might be helpful to mention since a number of people I have talked to recently have mentioned an inability to say No! or even just no.
First of all, its useful to remember that saying no to someone does not need to be you rejecting the person, being deliberately difficult or obstructive or trying to damage what the requester represents, be it a job, charity or friendship situation. Life can carry on after you have said no and people will not hate you for the saying if you do it politely, deliberately and firmly.
However if you say yes and don't mean it, that can ultimately get you into more bother when you don't follow through or your yes turns out to have been maybe at best and you start to lose repsect. Unless of course you manage to achieve everything you promised in a fit of superhuman power. And then collapse and pay the price yourself.
Throughout the book, Kemp talks about the Power of No, and she takes Power to stand for:
Purpose - what actually needs to be done here?
Options and resources - even if say no can I offer anything in return or make other suggestions
When - what is the actual deadline and if I say no now can I propose yes for a different deadline
Emotional Ties - how do you feel with yes or no and other feelings related to the request
Rights and Reponsibilities - what are your rights if you say yes or noe.g. rights to call on others to help, recquisition resources for the project
They are certainly topics worth considering before you unthinkingly say yes again but once you have done that you'll need to be assertive in the way you put across any no answer. Be clear, polite and if possible friendly and stick to your guns. If necessary repeat your bottom line until they get it.
The book goes on to look at the idea of self-defence; sometimes you need to say no to defend yourself, your time, health and position. There is also discussion on the ethics of saying yes or no, especially when you don't actually mean it.
I can imagine if you are really struggling to say no a lot of the time and it causes you stress that there are definitely helpful ideas in this book; you probably want to pick and choose which bits you read though.
At the end of the day I suspect, like all self-help type books, it might only take you so far and having someone external (partner, family member, friend or a coach) dedicated to helping you will reap far greater rewards. Get in touch if you want to know how a coach could help you in your particular situation.

"If you're scared you can't be helped. You're finished"
At least, thats what Christine Ohuruogu, the reigning 400m Olympic champion, said about athletes in a Times article recently. So she doesn't do fear on the track - she is scared of other things.

Her statement did make me think about whether it is also true for us non-athletes too? I can certainly think of a couple of instances coming down a mountain bike track and realising that there is a drop in front of me that's bigger than I'm comfortable with and slamming on the brakes. As soon as I hesitate, I'm lost. Sometimes its possible to go around the drop and avoid it altogether. On other occasions, you can walk down the track, examine the drop from different angles, choose a line to steer, rationally gauge the real size of the issue and consequently get your head around it. Once I see the size of the problem, I start to feel better and after that I can tackle it again. If I were to remain in my fear though, and do nothing, I could never make a second attempt. So for me, I would alter Ohuruogu's bald statement to say, "If you stay scared, you're finished!"

Does it also apply to normal daily life? Yes, I would say it's as true of confronting a difficult person or making your first speech or whatever - if we do nothing about it and stay scared, we're finished. If we never replace those feelings of fear we will always perform the same way (since behaviour is driven by feelings) and get the same (poor) results.

Maybe that's okay for you but I know for me I want to work on my fears to improve my performances and get more out of life. Sometimes its just a case of 'manning up' and getting on with it. At other times, a rational look at the issue makes it seem smaller and easier. Often though it will come down to managing and controlling our feelings. One of my friends said yesterday that she performed well in an exam recently because she didn't care about the result so much which made her relax - bingo! The state we are in can have a huge adverse effect on our achievements. Conversely, if we sort out our feelings, we can suddenly excel. Even deep phobias can be worked on and eliminated. You can allow yourself to feel better - or not; the choice is yours.

And Christine Ohuruogu's fears? They are all about the legacy of the Olympics. As a Stratford local, she wants to see all the potential for long-term good brought to fruition, so that people are not only inspired but have real chances to develop and improve.

I went to buy a new car yesterday; something to do with having delayed replacing the timing belt and then matter being removed from within my control - a lesson learnt. There were so many cars on offer, even once I had narrowed down what I thought I wanted, that I was a little bit like a wee boy in a sweetshop, unable to make choices.

In fact, although the car I eventually bought was the first that I looked at, it required several hours of umming and aahing in order to make the decision. Daft really, given that my purchase ticked all the boxes I had created. I could justify it by saying that it was a big purchase and I need to ensure I make the right decision, but actually I was just dithering and not committing.

How often is that what we do? We do the research - lots or little depending on how impulsive a person we are - and we know the decision that we want to make, but something stops us. Is it fear of getting it wrong, of the consequences of our decision coming back to bite us on the bum, that stops us? Maybe instead its that the second choice option is also appealing and we don't want to let go of that possibility. It might even be that we kid ourselves that if we hold out for long enough something will come along and remove the need for a decision. Finally, I know for me that I sometimes don't want to make a decision for the practical, within-budget option because part of me is still lusting after the shiny, sexier, more expensive alternative.

Yesterday it was very much the fear of consequences problem. Despite having studied engineering for several years, I am something of a duffer when it comes to cars (I can see some of you nodding in agreement as you read this) and I was concerned that once I got the car home it wouldn't work properly. Daft and once I told myself this, I just went for it. I'm buying it from a reputable garage with a 6 month warranty. Logical thinking won the day. That and having a friend to chat to and lay out my thoughts with.

Isn't it amazing how voicing our thoughts to someone else, writing them down or even speaking them into thin air, gives us a new clarity, an understanding of our own idiocy or a new take on the things holding us back? It helps if they understand where we are coming from but actually the family dog would probably do. That process of going from brain to mouth or hand seems to make us process things in a  different way.

What decisions are you putting off just now? Who is listening to you as you talk them through to gain that extra clarity of thinking that you need? And if the answer to the second question is 'no-one' what is stopping you saying "Have you got five minutes for me to run something past you?" If its fear that it is a daft idea, then you maybe need to rethink or find a different person. However someone who disagrees with you is more likely to give you objective feedback and will also make you think more clearly about how to present something to them - don't always look for the 'yes' men who boost your ego but might not spot the flaw in your plan.

Stop dithering and start committing because the excitement of the new future can't start until you do. Once the decision is made then your plans can unfold before you and your dreams can be realised, but whilst you keep thinking, you're stationary

I was away over new year with some friends and their children and the theme of 'stopping doing' cropped up quite often, particularly as we were accommodated in someone else's quite pristine new home. Of particular concern were the games of ice-hockey on the wooden floors and the integrity of the glass balcony rail. Thankfully everything survived intact and we left the house the way we had found it.

As well as the children though, we did have several discussions about the way people who have stopped doing something, such as work, can then fit other things in their place. Retired people have more flexibility and so can make use of good off-peak offers and one of my friends has just finished part-time study for a Masters and we talked about being more available at home. This all led on to thinking about the busyness we experience daily. Hopefully over Christmas at some stage you were able to stop. To sit. To be. The holidays will be over very soon though (unless of course you're already back at work - sorry) and the busyness starts all over again.

What could you do differently in 2011 to make more time: not actually extra hours over and above your allotted 24 but more available hours within the day? What would you stop doing? The book of Ecclesiastes in the Bible talks about there being a season for every activity under the sun, including a time to keep and a time to throw away - some things we can instantly identify as being precious and we must keep them, others will obviously be jettisoned. There will always be activities howeve, that are like the keepsakes from our childhood - when space is at a premium we need to make some hard decisions. How do we decide?

Jim Collins talks about the 20-10 problem which says:
Suppose you woke up tomorrow and received two phone calls. The first one told you that you had won £20 million with no strings attached. The second phone call informed you that you had no more than 10 years to live. What would you do differently tomorrow and in subsequent weeks and months? In particular, what would you stop doing? Maybe your 2011 assignment should be to find your answers.

Okay, so maybe you won't recognise the picture but if I tell you he used to be an air steward (actually, he may not have lost his job yet) who lost the plot slightly when one difficult customer too many tried to push him around, then I think you'll have heard of him. If not, read the story here.
Allegedly swearing over the intercom following an altercation with a passenger, he left his place of work by sliding down the emergency exit, beers in hand. He is now alternately hailed as a folk hero for standing up for himself, or villified for setting a bad example.
The bottom line though is: he was fed up with his job and did something about it. Now unfortunately for him, he may not have made his life any better - the police caught up with him at home and he faces charges. We on the other hand, may have the chance to improve things. Maybe we will never be so drastic but even by changing little things about what we do and the way we do it, can we make it more bearable, enjoyable or even fun?
When was the last time you took time to review what you do? So start now...

• What are the elements of your job that you enjoy most? How can reorganise things to allow you to do them more often?
• Who are the people at work that make your days more fun? How can you spend more time in their presence? And how can you show your appreciation?
• Which skills do you possess that you could utilise in your workplace to improve something?
• What little efficiency could you introduce to make something easier to complete on a regular basis?

If you decide to change something, let me know - I'm always interested in stories of people becoming happier in their work.