I was in London yesterday and felt a little on edge. I think I have been watching Hustle too much recently. I like it, but it starts to make me think that every other person is a conman out to fleece me or nick my stuff. If you haven't seen it, Hustle is a TV show where grifters in London make money by conning dishonest people. I love it but it has made me come back to the idea that I have made mention of elsewhere. Namely that everyone has values - they might be different from mine but they do have them. In a grifters case they hold to the ideas that they are not thieves and that you should never con an honest man, instead focussing on tempting the greedy to part with their cash.
There is a certain attraction for me about the programme (even though Jaime Murray has now left the series), possibly because I admire their bottle, their ingenuity and their precise and clever planning. However, if I was to work alongside them, I would quickly become stressed because actually we are very different people with a wide variance in our value-systems.
Often we can recognise that there is a lack of rapport between us and others but not quite put our finger on what is the cause of it. Is it that our value system is not-aligned with the other person's. We put our importances on different things and assign priorities in other places.
If this is the case, what should we do? We can turn our backs on what we base our actions and motivation on - hard for many of the values we hold to and nigh on impossible for many of the deeper rooted ideas. Or we can try to convince the other person to turn to our way of thinking - hard, a cause of arguments and probably not a good way to win friends in the short term. Finally we can be accepting that their way and ours are different and work round the issue. Is this conflict avoidance? Maybe yes, but if the issue is not something central to the reason why we relate (i.e. if it does not impact on our work with a colleague or similar) then maybe it is simply one of the differences that we deal with as constructively as possible to make our team strong, knowing it will never disappear.
Going back to Hustle, Danny and Mickey share some values as above, but yet Mickey is far more eager to prove himself clever and reach the pinnacle of his 'profession' with carefully thought out plans whilst Danny is happy to play the old short cons for sheer romantic enjoyment and a quick buck. Different reasons for doing things but yet a team is bonded through mutual respect of skills and strengths.
There is a certain attraction for me about the programme (even though Jaime Murray has now left the series), possibly because I admire their bottle, their ingenuity and their precise and clever planning. However, if I was to work alongside them, I would quickly become stressed because actually we are very different people with a wide variance in our value-systems.
Often we can recognise that there is a lack of rapport between us and others but not quite put our finger on what is the cause of it. Is it that our value system is not-aligned with the other person's. We put our importances on different things and assign priorities in other places.
If this is the case, what should we do? We can turn our backs on what we base our actions and motivation on - hard for many of the values we hold to and nigh on impossible for many of the deeper rooted ideas. Or we can try to convince the other person to turn to our way of thinking - hard, a cause of arguments and probably not a good way to win friends in the short term. Finally we can be accepting that their way and ours are different and work round the issue. Is this conflict avoidance? Maybe yes, but if the issue is not something central to the reason why we relate (i.e. if it does not impact on our work with a colleague or similar) then maybe it is simply one of the differences that we deal with as constructively as possible to make our team strong, knowing it will never disappear.
Going back to Hustle, Danny and Mickey share some values as above, but yet Mickey is far more eager to prove himself clever and reach the pinnacle of his 'profession' with carefully thought out plans whilst Danny is happy to play the old short cons for sheer romantic enjoyment and a quick buck. Different reasons for doing things but yet a team is bonded through mutual respect of skills and strengths.
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