_ To laugh is to risk appearing a fool,
To weep is to risk appearing sentimental.
To reach out to another is to risk involvement,
To expose feelings is to risk exposing your true self.
To place your ideas and dreams before a crowd is to risk their loss.
To love is to risk not being loved in return,
To live is to risk dying,
To hope is to risk despair,
To try is to risk failure.

But risks must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing.
The person who risks nothing, does nothing, has nothing, is nothing.

He may avoid suffering and sorrow,
But he cannot learn, feel, change, grow or live.
Chained by his servitude he is a slave who has forfeited all freedom.
Only a person who risks is free.
The pessimist complains about the wind;
The optimist expects it to change;
And the realist adjusts the sails.

"I don't want to do that."
"But why ever not? It will be fun."
"Because I'm scared."
"But...you've never done it before!"
How often have you heard that kind of conversation played out, either as an observer or with you in one of the roles? Whether you have heard it or not, you might even have had the conversation with yourself in the privacy of your own mind. I may even have conjured up a picture in your minds of a time when it happened, reminding you of how constrained you felt.
The big question though is, "Did you carry through and do it and if so, how do you feel about it all now?" Quite possibly laughing about how daft it was to feel that way because you can see now, with the benefit of the experience, that the situation was easy/fun/worthwhile or whatever.
Many people are scared before they ever attempt something but often, once they have tried it and are successful, they are overflowingly positive and realise the negative anticipation was all out of proportion.
Tad James, an expert on public speaking, says, "As far as the emotion of fear is concerned, you can be afraid of something only after it has occurred."
Until that point when you take the plunge you don't know what the experience will be like - you are only guessing, maybe based on what your friends, enemies, newspapers or little internal voices are telling you. A bit like a child faced with new food, we can all conjure up different excuses and negative aspects for something that others know to be harmless and good for us. We just don't know what its actually like until we have tried for ourselves.
So are you looking ahead to a new experience in the future with a certain amount of fear and trepidation or anticipation and excitement - remember, you don't have to stay in that state; you can change the way you feel. And the big bonus, on top of genuinely looking forward to it, is that you'll probably perform better when you get there.
Don't hang around, do something about changing the way you feel, today - email nick@spc

"If you're scared you can't be helped. You're finished"
At least, thats what Christine Ohuruogu, the reigning 400m Olympic champion, said about athletes in a Times article recently. So she doesn't do fear on the track - she is scared of other things.

Her statement did make me think about whether it is also true for us non-athletes too? I can certainly think of a couple of instances coming down a mountain bike track and realising that there is a drop in front of me that's bigger than I'm comfortable with and slamming on the brakes. As soon as I hesitate, I'm lost. Sometimes its possible to go around the drop and avoid it altogether. On other occasions, you can walk down the track, examine the drop from different angles, choose a line to steer, rationally gauge the real size of the issue and consequently get your head around it. Once I see the size of the problem, I start to feel better and after that I can tackle it again. If I were to remain in my fear though, and do nothing, I could never make a second attempt. So for me, I would alter Ohuruogu's bald statement to say, "If you stay scared, you're finished!"

Does it also apply to normal daily life? Yes, I would say it's as true of confronting a difficult person or making your first speech or whatever - if we do nothing about it and stay scared, we're finished. If we never replace those feelings of fear we will always perform the same way (since behaviour is driven by feelings) and get the same (poor) results.

Maybe that's okay for you but I know for me I want to work on my fears to improve my performances and get more out of life. Sometimes its just a case of 'manning up' and getting on with it. At other times, a rational look at the issue makes it seem smaller and easier. Often though it will come down to managing and controlling our feelings. One of my friends said yesterday that she performed well in an exam recently because she didn't care about the result so much which made her relax - bingo! The state we are in can have a huge adverse effect on our achievements. Conversely, if we sort out our feelings, we can suddenly excel. Even deep phobias can be worked on and eliminated. You can allow yourself to feel better - or not; the choice is yours.

And Christine Ohuruogu's fears? They are all about the legacy of the Olympics. As a Stratford local, she wants to see all the potential for long-term good brought to fruition, so that people are not only inspired but have real chances to develop and improve.

It seems these days that parents have all the fear and children have none. Reading "No Fear; Growing Up in a Risk-Averse Society" by Tim Gill (Calouste Gulbenkian Foundation, 2007, London) has been quite enlightening. It talks of how all our adult fears about children's safety has seriously impacted on their freedom. Measures have been taken as knee-jerk reactions to one-off tragedies because we are scared it might happen again. Walking to school, seesaws and playing in the street (or even just remote from parental supervision) are all examples of freedoms that I had that many young children no longer enjoy. At the extreme end of the spectrum, Gill even quotes stories of children being penalised by the police for chalk pictures on the pavement (graffitti) or cautioned by a local authority for anti-social behaviour; a 3 year-old playing football.
So, children have no fear because they are never exposed to any real dangers nowadays. If we are happy to treat our young people as beings to be protected then this would probably be a good state of affairs. If, however, we want to see them grow and develop with an understanding of risks, (how to live with them, manage them and avoid being dealt serious harm by them) then it quite patently is bad. Yes, it will probably result in our children visiting A&E more often, having more bumps, scrapes and kneefuls of gravel. No, this won't signify that we are bad and uncaring adults. You never know, it might even allow them to grow up with a greater streak of resilience than a lot of adults display nowadays.
Since homes seem to be some of the most dangerous places for children (they are more at risk from family members or other acquantances than from strangers) lets help them in lots of ways by allowing them outside, out of sight even. Arthur Ransome's heroes didn't mean to go to sea - the current generation of children will be lucky to even smell the beach through the car window at the rate we are going. Let's make some changes in our communities, maybe by trusting in a community first of all.
For all this though, we adults might need to tackle our own fears.

I went to buy a new car yesterday; something to do with having delayed replacing the timing belt and then matter being removed from within my control - a lesson learnt. There were so many cars on offer, even once I had narrowed down what I thought I wanted, that I was a little bit like a wee boy in a sweetshop, unable to make choices.

In fact, although the car I eventually bought was the first that I looked at, it required several hours of umming and aahing in order to make the decision. Daft really, given that my purchase ticked all the boxes I had created. I could justify it by saying that it was a big purchase and I need to ensure I make the right decision, but actually I was just dithering and not committing.

How often is that what we do? We do the research - lots or little depending on how impulsive a person we are - and we know the decision that we want to make, but something stops us. Is it fear of getting it wrong, of the consequences of our decision coming back to bite us on the bum, that stops us? Maybe instead its that the second choice option is also appealing and we don't want to let go of that possibility. It might even be that we kid ourselves that if we hold out for long enough something will come along and remove the need for a decision. Finally, I know for me that I sometimes don't want to make a decision for the practical, within-budget option because part of me is still lusting after the shiny, sexier, more expensive alternative.

Yesterday it was very much the fear of consequences problem. Despite having studied engineering for several years, I am something of a duffer when it comes to cars (I can see some of you nodding in agreement as you read this) and I was concerned that once I got the car home it wouldn't work properly. Daft and once I told myself this, I just went for it. I'm buying it from a reputable garage with a 6 month warranty. Logical thinking won the day. That and having a friend to chat to and lay out my thoughts with.

Isn't it amazing how voicing our thoughts to someone else, writing them down or even speaking them into thin air, gives us a new clarity, an understanding of our own idiocy or a new take on the things holding us back? It helps if they understand where we are coming from but actually the family dog would probably do. That process of going from brain to mouth or hand seems to make us process things in a  different way.

What decisions are you putting off just now? Who is listening to you as you talk them through to gain that extra clarity of thinking that you need? And if the answer to the second question is 'no-one' what is stopping you saying "Have you got five minutes for me to run something past you?" If its fear that it is a daft idea, then you maybe need to rethink or find a different person. However someone who disagrees with you is more likely to give you objective feedback and will also make you think more clearly about how to present something to them - don't always look for the 'yes' men who boost your ego but might not spot the flaw in your plan.

Stop dithering and start committing because the excitement of the new future can't start until you do. Once the decision is made then your plans can unfold before you and your dreams can be realised, but whilst you keep thinking, you're stationary